Knowing your reality
Some women choose the same type of person, but their situation changes,
They keep listening to what these so-called friends say, like they’re religious sages;
They know that in the beginning, they had a certain type of man that was right for them at that time, like you’re looking up jobs with only particular wages,
But when people come along later on in her life with qualities she currently needs, it’s like these brothers are rabid dogs, though she’s went through different stages.
Some people should choose a different person because they are no longer that person,
Some people look for the same person with a different face, knowingly setting themselves up for failure like you need a pimple popped so you go see a surgeon;
If you like a single brother for you, but you have little kids at home, then you should choose a different version,
Because a man who’s qualified to be a good husband, may not be a good step-father and your present condition may even worsen.
Do not marry the sister who don’t want to cover properly at this point in her life, when your current wife already does it,
You’re giving your kids different view points in their heads, when only one is necessary for them to love it;
Kids pick up on what they see quicker than what they hear, so be careful to choose wisely on every topic,
And if your first wife properly covers, then know that there is a clear difference between the one who covers correctly and the one who may just tightly wrap it.
Knowing the reality of your affair may bring some sort of wisdom to those who are looking,
Do not delude yourself in the look of things, when you know you need more than one who is just good-looking,
Allaah blesses the one who is very attractive to one’s eyes, for anybody who is out there really looking,
It’s the one who can stimulate you on a level that you need, inside and out, and not one who is just there only good for looking.
I can understand that we want what we want, but what we need in our lives is what is best,
A sister who is 19 and still a virgin may need the bare necessities more or less;
She is not like the sister who has kids and requires more, so this younger sister definitely requires less,
But why does the one who needs more confuses herself more and just only settle for less?
When do you have your situation set correctly, and you only go for what is best for you?
You know yourself better, so stick with what will only work for you;
If your kids need a real man in the house, then look for that primarily, because that is what’ll be best for you,
Instead of only looking for that one particular man from when you were only in charge of yourself, no, sister, that definitely won’t do for you.
One companion was asked by the prophet why he didn’t marry a virgin, salallaahu alayhi wa sallam,
He said that his father had died and had left him with younger sisters to take care of, so a virgin like himself was not wise to be chosen;
He recognized that an older experienced woman with good character for his younger sisters was a more appropriate token,
She was a definite prize for him, because of his present condition.
Also you may see sisters with mental issues that may make an inappropriate choice,
I say mental issues, oh my brothers, because we’re the ones who created these internal sounds in their heads, each one hearing her own mental voice;
She should choose a brother who can handle her specific affair, instead of burying it behind a curtain she could easily hoist,
That may one day cause havoc in her current relationship, be it a past mental, sexual or even physical abuse that plagues her like her body being probed with a wooden joist.
Asadullah Abu Muwahhid At-Tarinidadi